Irony
by Imadra Blue
Summary: Palpatine and Anakin have a conversation about Obi-Wan the day after the Senate delegation led by Padmé visits Palpatine's office. Gen, with mentions of offscreen het and slash.


**Characters:** Anakin and Palpatine (with mentions of off-screen Anakin/Obi-Wan and Anakin/Padmé).  
**Disclaimer:** _Star Wars_ and all its characters are property of Lucasfilm Ltd. No copyright infringement is intended.  
**Notes:** Written for Mlledefer for having made me such lovely icons. Incorporates deleted scenes from _Revenge of the Sith_ that appeared in the novelization. Thanks to Luthe for the beta read.

- - -

_"Ah, that--well, that is the difficult part. The disturbing part. It seems that Master Kenobi has been in contact with a certain Senator who is known to be among the leaders of this cabal. Apparently, very close contact. The rumor is that he was seen leaving this Senator's residence this very morning, at an...unseemly hour."  
"Who?" Anakin opened his eyes and sat forward. "Who is this Senator? Let's go question him."  
"I'm sorry, Anakin. But the Senator in question is, in fact, a her. A woman you know quite well, in fact."  
"You--" He wasn't hearing this. He couldn't be. "You mean--"  
Anakin choked on her name._

-- From the novelization of _Revenge of the Sith_ by Matthew Stover.

- - -

Palpatine knows that Anakin and Kenobi are having an affair. He knew it the moment Anakin's expression twisted at the suggestion of Kenobi having an affair with a Senator. The knowledge makes Palpatine's seduction that much easier. The boy is close, Palpatine thinks. He can see it in Anakin's eyes. He can feel it, almost hear it. Anakin already lingers in the shadow of the dark side.

Palpatine pours himself a glass of Naboo wine. It sparkles in the sunlight. He thinks of a sparkling crown of the same color that once sat on his wife's head. Behind him, Coruscant glitters like jewels in a crown—his crown, so much greater than his wife's ever was. She had only a planet; he has a galaxy.

"My boy, would you like a drink?"

"No, thank you, Chancellor." Anakin stands with his arms crossed and his legs apart. "I let Master Kenobi do all my drinking." His smile is warm, but he is eager to leave—but not to the wife waiting for him at home. She has frightened him with her growing belly, so poorly hidden beneath the folds of her gowns, and with her righteous opposition to Palpatine.

No, Anakin wishes for his partner. He wants a certain bearded Jedi Master to promise him it will be all right. But that Jedi Master is already far away, chasing cybernetic monsters, as Palpatine designed.

"I hear he's quite good at that sort of thing." Palpatine sits back at his desk and studies Anakin. The youth looks as if he has not been sleeping well. "Too much drink can make a man do odd things."

Anakin blanches. "He doesn't drink that much. He doesn't lose control."

"I'm sure. Master Kenobi is a well-respected Jedi Master. He would never let too much drink affect his behavior, would he?"

"No. He wouldn't." The slight emphasis on the pronoun tells Palpatine all he needs to know. It was Anakin who drank too much and started the affair with Kenobi. One thing must have led to another. Palpatine wondered how it happened. As much as Palpatine hates Kenobi, he cannot imagine him taking advantage of Anakin. Kenobi must have simply given in. Palpatine represses a smile at the thought of Kenobi being brought to his knees by the pretty little boy he raised into a man.

"Still, I hope he is able to handle this mission. I fear your friend may not return."

"He'll return. He'll be fine."

"I envy your optimism, Anakin, and I trust your wisdom is greater than my own in this matter. But even his return may be sorrowful for you. You must prepare yourself, my boy. If Master Kenobi truly is capable of taking down Grievous, then the Council will have no choice but to separate the two of you."

"What?" Anakin takes a step forward, his eyes widening. He presents Palpatine with so many weaknesses. Palpatine finds it challenging to balance them, to sour Anakin's love for both his wife and his partner. Not even Dooku required so much careful manipulation.

"I've seen it dozens of times before. It was merely convenience that kept you and Master Kenobi together so long. Now the Council will feel confident you'll do fine separately."

Anakin starts to pace back and forth before Palpatine's desk, resembling a leonar prowling the edges of a cage. He would find no escape—Palpatine made sure to lock the cage door. "They can't separate us. We're a team," Anakin says.

Palpatine sips his wine. The sweet taste reminds him of home, of handmaidens pouring him wine while his wife sat on her throne, smiling at him with painted lips. He cannot remember his wife's real face any longer, just the painted one she wore when she died. "You are Jedi. And Jedi do not care about anyone, even themselves."

"That's—that's not true."

"Perhaps. I do not understand the Jedi Code as you do."

Anakin runs his fingers through his hair. "Obi-Wan wouldn't let us be separated. He wouldn't. He lo—" Anakin licks lips and pauses in front of Chancellor. "He knows how well we work together."

Love. Anakin loves so many people. Palpatine finds it curious, especially this love Anakin feels for both Padmé and Obi-Wan. He cannot understand how Anakin justifies his adultery. Palpatine only loved one person, and that love ended when he caught his wife pressed against a Naboo palace wall with another man. She never noticed him enter the hall. Only her dark-eyed lover noticed Palpatine. His smile still burns through Palpatine's heart.

"Chancellor?"

Palpatine sets the wine down on his duramica desk. This is not the time for him to think of the past. He must focus on the present, on the future, on Anakin. "And if the rumors are true about Master Kenobi?"

Anakin winces. "Obi-Wan is not sleeping with anyone else, especially not a Senator. And certainly not Senator Ami-…Amidala." He still chokes on her name. Palpatine can tell that Anakin does not believe his own words. Palpatine cannot tell if the idea of Obi-Wan cheating or Padmé cheating hurts Anakin more. The youth commits adultery, but cannot abide it. How like a Jedi.

"'Anyone else?'"

Anakin swallows. "I…" The boy is careless with words. He will have to learn to watch them when he becomes Palpatine's apprentice. Words are weapons greater than any lightsaber, and they must be used with the same appreciation for their deadliness, lest they harm their speaker.

"Is there something you would like to tell me about Master Kenobi?"

"I…" Anakin's eyes glint in challenge. "I don't think he likes women. In fact, I'm pretty sure he doesn't."

Palpatine smiles. "But women like him. And he likes power."

Anakin's expression falls. He cannot defend against that. Kenobi was too eager to sit on the Jedi Council. Kenobi's ambitions, limited as they are by the Jedi Code, fit perfectly with Palpatine's schemes. It surprises Palpatine how easily he can twist the actions of Jedi to suit his purposes. Their blind arrogance is their weakness, just as Anakin's love is his.

Palpatine wonders exactly when Anakin and Kenobi gave into their mutual desire. He always knew the war would weaken Kenobi's resolve, but Palpatine wishes he knew the details. He can only imagine Anakin, saturnine and full-lipped, clumsily undoing Kenobi's robes. Palpatine would have liked to see Kenobi's face at that moment, when Kenobi realized he was human, after all. Just imagining it comforts Palpatine. The Jedi are not invincible. He cannot fail against them.

Anakin grabs Palpatine's wineglass and drinks the remaining wine in one gulp. He wipes his mouth, his eyes dark with fear. "I should… go to the Temple and check in on the Council. Do you need me any longer, Chancellor?"

"No, Anakin. Go about your Jedi duties. Then, go home and rest. You look tired."

"Yes, I will. Thank you, Chancellor. I appreciate your counsel." Anakin bows and spins on his heel, robes rustling.

After Anakin leaves, Palpatine turns back to his window, to the view of his glittering crown. He thinks of his wife and her dark-eyed lover. That man, with his sly smile, showed Palpatine just how unfaithful she was. He taught Palpatine to hate her. In time, Anakin will learn to hate his wife, too. Anakin lies and commits adultery, and he will believe his wife capable of that, for he will conflate his sins with hers, as the guilty often do.

Palpatine wonders if, after Anakin turns, he will choke Padmé to death as Palpatine choked his own beloved wife. It would be ironic, he thinks, and fitting.


End file.
